Sweetheart Saturday- Balanced Partnership

Today’s topic examines the balance of a relationship. Part of a healthy and stable relationship is having balance.  Is balance established by each partner contributing their portion of the 50/50 ratio? Before you answer, let’s examine that a little further.

On the one hand you can measure the 50/50 ratio using:

  • Tally Marks- We’re adults so we don’t have an actual list on a piece of paper that we put the marks on! No, this is done in our heads! You meet in the middle by accumulating points. You clean the kitchen (point for you). Your partner takes out the trash (point for them). You chauffeur willingly drive the kids to practice (point). They do the laundry (point). And the list goes on and on. This list can get complicated once you start making deductions for the things one forgets to do. It can get further complicated depending who’s list you check (half points anyone?).

On the other hand, you can use this method to measure the 50/50 ratio:

  • Balance Scale- You each add things of different weight to the balance scale. Maybe today you went grocery shopping for the month (ok the next two weeks). Your partner cleaned up the yard, fixed up some things around the house, and cleaned the bathroom while you were gone. In this method, all contributions are taken into consideration and measured by weight not by item count. It takes more than a few items on one end of the scale to tip it because it depends on size not number. One end might carry extra items but the scale is still balanced because the weight is distributed evenly.

I’m using mundane day to day examples but it’s just for the purpose of getting the point across. Both of these examples show scenarios that notes are kept on each partner’s contributions. While it’s important that both sides contribute to the relationship, it’s not as plain and simple as tit for tat. The balance scale is meant to see the whole picture and evaluate the strengths and weakness of each partner because you can use that to even the scales.

The beauty of a balanced partnership is when you can see the value that your partner brings to the relationship and how you compliment one another not how you compete against one another.

Of course there will be times that situations might put more pressure on one partner but the important thing is that you come together as the team you are to evaluate how you can distribute the weight better. Another thing to consider is when to assess the 50/50 ratio. If you are feeling overwhelmed and like the load has fallen on you, it’s probably a good idea to do something to clear your frustration; that way you can have a better perspective when you evaluate the balance and are in a better frame of mind before you open up the discussion. Try to keep the conversation objective, positive and focused on solutions. You want to come up with a plan to distribute the weight better. Once balance it attained you might find that the scale is only taken out when major life changes happen because you don’t need to constantly check the weight.

person-couple-love-romantic-large.jpg

There’s no one size fits all in the relationship department. What works for one couple might not work for another. Please only take away from this what resonates with you. I’m not sure who I wrote this for but I have a feeling someone needed to read this. So whoever you are, I hope this finds you when you need it. I understand that these posts can be very personal so I understand if you don’t want to comment. My email is always available if someone wants to make a comment but doesn’t want it to be on public display (nikissimplelife@gmail.com).

How can the load be carried between the two of you so that the weight is evenly spread making it easier for both of you? Are you fairly assessing the 50/50 ratio in your relationship? Which method are you currently using in your relationship? Which method would you prefer to use? Which one would you want to be measured by?

 

 

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16 thoughts on “Sweetheart Saturday- Balanced Partnership

  1. Well I’ll be the first to poke you in the eye. Just kidding. I have no intention of doing that.
    Love the picture and quote at the top of the post.
    Interesting concept here. I find we do this quite naturally. It’s more of an ebb and flow though. We just move with the situation and keep it up as it best fits. As long as were thinking full family picture, balance is an awesome way to enjoy life in peaceful co-habitation.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you 🙂 Yeah I don’t know where this came from. I’ve been writing a lot (probably too much lately) and I wash washing dishes and this just hit me. I started making mental notes because if I started writing I knew I’d never get back to cleaning… I’m glad I was able to capture the essence of what came to me even though it was more pictures than words… Balance is such an important aspect in so many areas of life… Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sadly, it wasn’t for me because, as mentioned, we already practice our own special version of balance.
        For instance, usually when my wife gets home she takes care of a few home duties. She’s got a project she has to finish tonight though. Guess what? I just kick in and do her stuff. I’ve got the time. She’s done it for me many times. It’s just the give and take required to make a house a whole.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Good for you guys! That’s how it should be! Of course this concept isn’t limited to household chores but since I know that the day to day are things that all couples deal with I didn’t want to use examples that wouldn’t be relate-able. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      3. 😉 Chores are definitely relatable. You’re right, there’s so many things that go into this, but in some areas it’s best to let the couples figure this out.
        Oh, and one other thing: partnership over convenience any day.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Great point! In a particularly frustrating moment it might not seem that way, but as long as there aren’t unhealthy issues you just have to let the moment pass and you’ll realize that is the case- partnership over convenience. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  2. This is something my husband and I work through every so often, especially since he is not working right now. Usually a calm cry for help brings the scales back into balance, I think as women (or maybe just me) we tend to just solve the problem (pick up the room, do the dishes, change the toilet paper roll) and it builds the weight on our mental scale, while the other person is completely unaware that the scale has budged. Communication seems to be key, at least for us.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Very good observation, communication is one of the keys! It’s very important to talk through and make the person aware of your frustrations. My mom always told me I can’t hold something against someone I haven’t told them anything about…That made a lot of sense to me. How can I get mad and be frustrated over something you don’t even know makes me feel that way? It’s good to look at the scale every now and then and make sure neither is carrying too much weight. Thanks for sharing! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. My time for testing our relationship is coming up next Thursday. I’m usually the not so well one . Now it is my partners turn to be cared for. Can I rise and make him proud. Time will tell. Words come easy – walking -now that is a whole new concept . 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s beautiful! You’ll rise to the occasion! What can you do to take the pressure off and just go with the flow? No need to answer! Have a great weekend!

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  4. My husband and I definitely work on this concept…but I tend to get a little more frustrated when I feel like I have been doing a lot more around the house and with whatever else needs to be done. We both work full time so I am big on BOTH of us doing stuff around the house…but it ends up being that I always have to ask for ANYTHING to be done…and it gets really old. Everytime he asks me what needs to be done I just tell him he can help with whatever he thinks WE need done. I hate when he asks me that lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think one of the key points is to address this when you aren’t super frustrated. So probably not right after you get home and take care of a bunch of things. If you haven’t already discussed it, maybe find out why he thinks asking before doing is a better approach. I’m sure you’ve discussed it in the past but try letting him know how you feel carrying the load in the housekeeping department and see what solutions you can find together.

      Personally I feel like what I lack in the housework department I compensate for in the cooking, running the girls around and homework departments. It works but every now and then I slack my already lax housekeeping and have to remember that I need to be a little better about that so that my husband doesn’t feel overloaded. That’s just our story with this though 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Thanks for reblogging this, NIkki.
    I like the idea of complementarity. I fill in your potholes, you fill in mine. It gives some traction to the old “opposites attract” cliche.
    I’ve also heard it said that keeping score never works because like apple pie & ice cream, it never works out just right. So, if both partners give 80% (or what seems like 80%), or even 100%, thier needs are met & life goes on in endless song.
    One of the comments mentioned the “quiet cry for help.” The importance of listening in this feedback system we call “relationship” cannot be overstated.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for reading, I’m glad that you enjoyed this post. Yes, communication is a very important part of a relationship. Listening to understand and not just hearing is key. Thanks for taking the time to comment. Have a great weekend!

      Like

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