Sweetheart Saturday- Individuality In Relationships

There are many aspects of a relationship. A couple is formed by two people yet somewhere along the road individuality is lost. We go from “me” to “we” as it should be but the “me” shouldn’t be completely forgotten. While it’s important to have a strong partnership you can’t forgot that it’s made by two individuals that form a unit.

So my question today is, do you remember to set time aside to cultivate the things you love?

For a long time, I put myself on the backburner. Letting the day to day things take over every aspect of my day. My every thought and action revolved around making the household run smoothly, contributing my part, and getting tied up with the constant errands and tasks. I realized that I rarely did things that I enjoyed, I was spending day after day doing things I told myself I had to do. Sure groceries needed to be purchased, kids had to get to school, and meals had to be cooked. But surely I could find time to do something I enjoyed. Even if only for 15 minutes to half an hour a day. I started journaling, drawing, or reading at night before bed instead of watching TV. I love to watch something before I go to sleep to just wind down and relax. I realized that instead of watching an hour if I watched half an hour and then read for the other half hour that I was doing something for me just because I enjoyed it. As simple as it seems that’s something I really needed.

Over the years I’ve gotten better at making time for myself. I’ve realized it’s a necessity for me to restructure my day to allow time for me to do things I enjoy. Blogging is one of those things, meditation, and yoga are other things I do regularly throughout the week. I still have the same amount of time but I’ve dropped some commitments that I realized don’t matter as much to me and don’t bring any value to the family unit. My daughter only participates in 1 activity twice a week now instead of something everyday. That gives me time to get a blog post written or a meditation session in while she’s playing instead of taking her back and forth between places and wearing us all out in the process.

My husband is a baseball fanatic and plays on a team. That gives him his time to disconnect, hang out with his group of friends and just do something he enjoys. That’s my alone time with the girls. We’ll do something together and enjoy some quality girl time. We do a lot of activities as a family but personally I also have a strong need to feel like a person outside of the main roles in my life (mom and wife). Having hobbies and activities that are just for me is a way to express myself and remain true to who I am without having to compromise my self-identity.

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Balanced Partnership-

You might be interested in this post about balance in a relationship.


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This post reflects on a Tao of balance.


What are your thoughts on this? Do you feel the need to have a personal identity or are you ok being part of a two for one package? What kinds of things do you do that are just for you? Do you feel this way but haven’t found the way to balance it? What can you do to remember who you are as an individual? Is there a class you could attend? Something you could do while your partner and or kids are asleep or busy doing other things? Is this something you’ve been able to find balance in? How does that work out for you? I’d love to hear your story, feel free to share! Happy Saturday!

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42 thoughts on “Sweetheart Saturday- Individuality In Relationships

  1. I think you’re very right. Morphing into “one” might feel elevating at the beginning but it’s not sustainable and not healthy in the long run. People are different, that’s the reason they come together and attract each other. If the difference gets lost along the way so does the attraction.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s funny because in the beginning the similarities is what a lot of people bond over but I think respecting and appreciating the differences is what helps to keep things interesting. Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m very happily married but I still need to maintain my individuality. By taking the time to pursue something that I love (aka blogging), I’m able to bring more to our partnership. Now that my daughters are older, it’s a lot easier to take time for myself.

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      1. I can imagine! I’m learning to lean more on my husband without feeling guilty about it. Afterall they’re his kids too so I need to stop making myself feel like I have to do it all when it comes to them. The good thing is he’s really supportive and he’s noticed how much better things run when I get my time alone so he will take them out and do things with them leaving me the house to myself at least once a week 🙂

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      2. We do! 🙂 I’m with you there! My husband is the more tidy of the two of us. I love things nice, neat and clean but I’d rather do things that fulfil me than spend as much time cleaning. I’m balancing it better since that’s something that is important to my husband but he realizes what’s important to me too so he cuts me some slack otherwise it causes tension.

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      3. Marriage requires compromise. It takes a while to find the right balance. My husband does a lot of the cooking. He loves it 🙂 I agree about doing things that are more fulfilling than housework 🙂 I tend to listen to music while I take care of the chores around the house. I’ve joked with my husband that we need to learn sign language as means of communication while I have my earbuds in 🙂

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      4. That’s actually a really good point. I’ve started changing the attitude in which I do things with. Another blogger mentioned thinking of it as tending to my house instead of having to do the housework…she mentioned being thankful for having dishes to wash because her family was fed and sheets to wash because they had beds to sleep in. I’ve reminded myself of that ever since and it has done wonders for the mood I’m in when I clean. Add comedy to that and my kids will think I enjoy cleaning! 😉

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      5. I try to be grateful for what I have 🙂 My younger years were tough and I didn’t have a lot to spare. It’s not always easy to remember though. I’m sure my husband and daughter have heard me laugh while cleaning. Fortunately they’re use to me by now 🙂

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  3. I’ve noticed that women too easily lose themselves in a relationship, while men have no trouble keeping their individuality. I also think that when women complain of their husbands being selfish, it’s usually because the men are still hanging out with friends and doing the things they like, which is what the women should be doing as well, just like you said!
    Have you considered becoming a marriage counselor? 😉

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    1. Yes, a lot of self-imposed guilt. Whether it be from trying to compare yourself to your own mother, women you know or society’s views. Then there’s trying to live up to the expectation that you should be able to do it all. Work inside or outside of the home, run the house smoothly, perfectly, and happily. Balancing everything just right. Baking muffins for breakfast, working full time, coming home to a house that could be the feature story of Better Homes and Gardens without a moment’s notice. All while not needing a moment of time to yourself to just sit on the toilet without having anyone call your name. Not very realistic.

      I was that person for years, accusing my husband of being selfish. Then I really analyzed it one day. If that were the case, what did that say about me?! Why would I spend 10 years with a person that was sooooo selfish? What did he do that was selfish? I realized that it came back to me. I wished that I could go do my own thing for a few hours at a time. Not only do my own thing but do it GUILT FREE! My husband has no problem playing a baseball game on Sunday and being gone for hours. If that were me doing something I love, in the back of my mind I’d be wondering-
      What are the girls up to? How long have I been gone? I wonder if he remembered to put lunch together like I showed him. Will the baby lay down for a nap? Maybe I should just head back. I’ve been gone for half an hour maybe that’s long enough.

      Not a very pleasant way to spend my alone time…Once I realized I was using him “being selfish” as a way to blame him for my own lack of fulfilment… I realized all of the selfless things that he does and if he takes a few hours every other Sunday to play a game and hang out with the guys…then so be it, he deserves it! One thing that really helped was joining a mom’s group. I didn’t like the idea several years ago but when I joined in 2014 it’s the best thing I ever did! Hanging out with other women with kids the same age as my own and then meeting up for mom’s night out once a month leaving the kids with dads or grandparents to watch movies, play games and have a few drinks…now that was guilt free pleasure!

      Hahaha I’ve learned to never say never 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Yoga/exercise and blogging are my “things”. It took me a lot of years of marriage to get to the point where I could allow myself to invest in myself. I still feel guilt about the blog, but getting over it. My kids are older so I think it is probably healthy for them to see me working and investing on something of my own and not just pouring everything into them. I wonder why it is so much harder for women to be OK with maintaining their interests? My husband has no “guilty” feelings what-so-ever about investing hours in soccer:)

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    1. I know! For me it took me changing my perspective about doing things for myself. I looked at it as selfish whether it was me or my husband. Now I’ve learned it’s a necessity!! I think of it as nurturing myself. When I realized I needed to gas myself up in order to run properly I looked at the things that fulfilled me as being the gas (yoga, blogging, meditating, just having alone time). I can run without that because there are other grades of gas but having those is premium gas and I run at my best 😉 So now I don’t think of my husband as selfish when he plays baseball and I don’t feel *as* guilty when I do things to gas myself up (still working on this, I just made this discovery a couple of months ago) 🙂

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  5. Whether single or married, we are all tied to relationships with others…and, I hear what your saying, it is so important to have interests, passions, joys, that are unique to us…just for us….it is so important to do some things for ourselves that have nothing to do with impressing, pleasing, satisfying some one else….I absolutely love reading and I also love that it is a solitary pursuit…having said that, connections with others are so precious…finding (and maintaining) a balance is the tricky part for me…as much as I love writing, I can be negatively impacted by the intimidating desire that others like/validate my work…I need to get over that…however, when I read a novel, I have no such distractions…no pressure (self-inflicted or otherwise)….thank you for your wonderful post….you write so very well 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I like to think of it as a connection. We’re connected but that doesn’t mean we are one person. A unit yes but still two pieces that assemble it 🙂

      I understand where you’re coming from with the writing. I’ve learned to write with what resonates with me. I don’t write with an angle, with the intention of people liking it, or follow any “rules”. When I first started blogging I was always hoping for people to read, then for people to like, and comment. That was putting stress on myself for no reason. I decided to just put it out there and feel good about it because writing is therapeutic and enjoyable. The pressure I was putting on myself took the pleasure out of it so I stopped. The day it’s not enjoyable, I’ll move onto something else. Click that publish button without any expectations!! Let yourself write freely and allow your readers to see that in you! Feel good about what you write and any like or comment will just be icing on the cake! 🙂

      Thank you so much for the compliment, I appreciate it. I don’t consider myself a writer at all so it means a lot to me that you took the time to comment after reading 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  6. Love this post! My fiancé and I talk about individuality in relationships. We both have our different hobbies, but we also make sure to try new things together like surfing or kayaking. If one of us gets into a new hobby and the other doesn’t much have a passion that’s ok too. It’s all about communication and what makes you feel like a whole person:)

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    1. Yes! Personally I love seeing how we are two people with our own interests and have different things that we bring to the relationship. We have kids so we do a lot of family activities mainly hiking and exploring and we love it! But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy having hobbies that are things that I love to do for me or on my own 🙂 Sounds like you guys have a great balance in that area! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I feel I have maintained and found new interests. My husband seems to be stuck in a lull. He does do most of the housework and looking after of our daughter so it is not that he has no ambition. I think he needs to do more for himself even though I know this means me taking on more responsibility.

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    1. Well that’s really good, it’s important to have things you enjoy. I know how that is, my husband and I have had to find balance with that same scenario. The good thing is you’re aware of it so that will help you guys to work on it 🙂

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  8. Great post, Niki! I think it’s so, so important for a couple to be their own individuals still while growing and evolving together, as well.
    I get up at least an hour early in the mornings to work on my blog, do some yoga, and to meditate. It’s nice and quiet around the house at 5.30am 😉

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