#Momlife Monday|Bully Plan

My daughter started 3rd-grade last week and was very excited on one hand and apprehensive on the other. She couldn’t wait to meet her new teacher and find out who would be in her class. She was a little nervous though since she had some issues with a girl in her class and spent the last few weeks of summer praying they’d be in different classrooms. I prepared her the best I could no matter which way it went.

We found out the day before school started that her whole class was kept together and moved to a room upstairs with a new teacher for this school year.

The decision was tough for me as a parent. I could either request to have her change classrooms and separate her for the majority of the day from the bully along with the friends she made. The other option was to leave her in the class and see how this year went. Before making any decisions, I decided to talk to her and see what she thought. I explained that although the girl was in her class again, she was in a class of 19 students. That meant there were 18 children besides her in the class, and she had 17 friends. That alone made her feel better. She told me all she’d been focusing on was the one person that made her feel so terrible. She said if it were the other way around, having 17 people that didn’t like you in one class would be way too much to handle but everyone was bound to have one person that didn’t like them in class.

She felt much better starting the new school year off with this new outlook. I decided to have her come up with a plan. It’s a lot easier to deal with a difficult situation when you have an action plan to fall back on. I asked her a few questions and within a few minutes, we had two plans put in place for her to deal with this situation this year.

Plan 1-

  • Ignore her
  • Talk to her directly- tell her to stop, ask her how she’d feel if someone did that to her, ask her why it makes her feel good to try to make people feel bad
  • Tell mom and dad so we can figure out what to do next- we’ll help her decide if it’s a situation the teacher needs to be aware of or if it needs to go further than that
  • Tell the teacher immediately- this is if she’s doing something that compromises her health or safety

So now that she had some steps to take, I wanted her to have a plan in place to give her confidence in the heat of the moment. When the girl in class says or does something particularly rude or mean, this is what she came up with-

Plan 2-

  • Ask yourself if what she’s saying is true
    • If it’s not, then tell yourself what the truth is.
    • If it is, take it as room for improvement. The delivery method could be improved but it’s up to you to make the most of the information.
  • Remember the way she treats you shows what she feels about herself
  • Read the affirmations inside my notebook

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Affirmations to lean on in tough times of the day!

 

Of course, I want to minimalize and eliminate any discomfort my daughter might feel but I realize there’s an important lesson in this situation. I’m trying to raise her to handle situations on her own to the best of her ability. Instead of having her placed in a different class where she could be in a similar situation with another student, I’ve decided to equip her with the best tools I can so she can handle it no matter who is on the other end of this scenario. I explained to her that bullying isn’t limited to children so it’s not something that will be outgrown. By removing her from the class, it’s not teaching her the lesson I want to instil.

On our walk to school on the first day, I reminded her what we talked about and had her recite her two plans to me. She seemed confident and excited so I left it at that. As she gave me a kiss and headed to the class, I reminded her that no one had the power to take a good day away from her. I told her not to put that much power in someone else’s hands. She has the choice as to how she responds and what she takes away from the situation. She smiled and told me she understood.

When I picked her up from school, I couldn’t wait for her to tell me about her day. She had an excellent time in her new class. She sat next to her best friend, she got to play with one of her older friends at recess and she had a blast. She said that when she walked into the classroom, one of the first people she saw was the girl that doesn’t like her. She said it would have been rude to look her in the eye and walk right by without saying anything so she smiled and said good morning. She told me that the girl came up to her and apologized for the way she behaved last year. On our walk home, we discussed that she got an apology last year and the behavior continued. She said that she knows not everyone will be your friend but all she can do is be nice, when the girl isn’t nice back then she just has to remember there are 17 other kids in the class.


What are your thougths on this post? Have you tried something similar with your kids? Have your kids experienced bullying in school? What kinds of conversations do you have? What solutions have you come up with? I’d love to hear what you think!

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26 thoughts on “#Momlife Monday|Bully Plan

  1. Nice job MOM! You gave her what she needed to handle the situation and she handled it well.

    We did have a second or third-grade issue with my son. He had been taught not to hit, which made him vulnerable to bullies. They would punch him in the arm but, he would not punch back. He told the teacher, but that was around 1990, so if the teacher didn’t see it, it didn’t happen. After some weeks, my husband decided that he should punch the boy back and taught Christopher how to do it. Christopher was worried about getting into trouble, so I wrote a note to the teacher and said that Christopher had been instructed to hit back. The next day, when he came home from school, he reported that he had punched back hard and the bully went away. He never punched or bothered Christopher again.

    I know this could have turned out much differently and remember how worried I was about it at the time. I am relieved that he never got into a fight then or thereafter. These days teachers are much more sensitive to bullying and it should not get to this point. I have done a good bit of volunteering at an elementary school and have seen and heard the teachers telling the kids to keep their hands to themselves, even the tiny pre-K and Head Start kids know better now.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you Dinata! ❤

      I love how you and your husband not only taught your son how to handle it but wrote a note to the teacher!

      I think there is a different level of awareness these days when it comes to bullying but I also think that bullying itself has changed over the years.

      In my daughter's case, it's not physical it's verbal. The girl is very nasty, says mean spirited things regularly, and just hounds my daughter with her words. My daughter is very sensitive and takes it very personally. She's considerate and kind and is being raised in a way that we promote that. She's learning that not everyone is being raised the way she is.

      I think the best thing I can do as a parent is give her the tools to handle the situation, be supportive, and keep communication open. I always want to know about her day-the good and the bad. I don't want her to hide anything and I don't want her to feel like no one understands or cares. It breaks my heart when I see the extreme effects of bullying and do all I can to make sure my child doesn't contribute to that behavior and isn't a victim of it either.

      I'm so glad that your son was able to stand up for himself and handle the situation the best way possible. ❤

      Like

  2. What a wonderful lesson you are teaching her. She is one of the kindest people I know and I am sure she will make the right choices. You are equipping her not only for the present situation but for the future, well done!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you ❤

      I just asked her what steps she thought she should take to deal with it this year. She came up with it. I thought it really good but I know in the heat of the moment it's different so I also wanted her to have a sense of security. I know mean things hurt your feelings especially if spoken in front of others and repeated regularly. I love that she came up with telling herself what the truth is, she's learning young not to let others have a steak in how she values herself.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m starting her off young, it’s something even adults have a hard time with. If she can apply it now, it will become second nature. I now work with women to help them find their identity so they can live an authentic life!

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  3. The words reflecting back on the bully is so incredibly true. I was tormented and bullied all through out elementary, jr. High, high school, and even some in college, and now as a 30 year old ive come into communication with most of my bullies, finding them having nothing but amazing things about me and my patience for their immaturity. They know now what they did was rough, and I loved them through it, because they were someone to love too. Now some of my best friends and supporters are the ones that hollered rat bitch across the cafeteria every time I came in sight. But I owned it, laughed, and waved. It’s rough, but love is the answer.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are so strong! I was never bullied but I never tolerated others being bullied. I love that my daughter realizes it’s an insecurity in the person that’s being nasty. It helps her remain objective and not take the words to heart. Sure it hurts her feelings but she’s learning not to take it personally and not to put more weight in what others say than her own thoughts.

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  4. I love how you interacted with your daughter to develop a plan and solutions. It’s important that we help children learn how to think on their own, but it is so vital to have the voice of a loving parent alongside them, guiding them in good decision-making. ❤ Thank you for sharing this plan! I just know it will help others.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. She’s such a great problem solver and I wanted her know that she’s capable of coming up with solutions on her own. I just bounced questions off of her and she came up with action steps that work for her. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I love the affirmations! Great idea. My son is a third grader as well, and we’ve experienced bullying last year so I too prepared him for this school year. We practiced scenarios together and how stand up for himself, using his words.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so sorry he’s experienced that at such a young age.Practice scenarios are awesome! Thank you so much for sharing, that’s a great idea! We often do that as well.

      My daughter doesn’t like confrontation so she’ll just walk away. I wanted her to have a plan in place so she didn’t walk away out of fear or defeat but because she had a clear plan and she was building herself up.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My pleasure! I’m so relieved. I was never on the receiving end of bullying as a kid and always stood up for those that were so this is new territory for me. I hope that your son doesn’t have to put his role playing to practice ❤

        Like

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